A Star Is Born 1/25/14

Sat, Jan 25, 2014


A Star Is Born


He looked like a very powerful man. There were so many medals on his Robin's-egg blue uniform that it made a fiesta of shimmer in your eyes. His golden hair reflected the sunlight almost as efficiently as his medals. He looked like Dennis the Menace during an Easter Parade. A self-proclaimed film producer, director, entertainment mogul, you name it, he did it. And he wasn't shy to tell you. But what sold the deal for me, what made me REALLY want to kiss his smooth powder-white producer ass, was his pitch (literally and figuratively). I could tell he had refined taste in talent and I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass me by without impressing him.
      “I could make you a Hollywood star, boy! An INTERNATIONAL film superstar! ” he said promisingly.
      “Oh. Oh...um...really?”, I responded.
      “But I just don't think you're good enough. And you have to get yourself to a gym.” he said flattering me.
      “Why don't you think I'm good enough to make it as a movie star?After all, I've performed on Broadway.” I said triumphantly.
       He explained. “I don't care about all that, you're just not talented and good looking enough to be on the A-list!”
      “Well, what actors DO you like?” I was fishing.
      “ Keanu Reeves! You're just not as good as he is.”
      “ Are you serious right now?”
      “He was AMAZING in The Matrix! You'll never be as good as Keanu Reeves.” He continued as I suppressed a hearty laugh, “But I'll make you a deal. If you go outside your house right now and throw your hands up in the air like you just don't care and shout, no SCREAM, at the top of your lungs, 'I WANNA BE JUST AS GOOD AS KEANU REEVES!!!!!' so the whole neighborhood can hear you, I'll make you an over-night Hollywood movie star.”
      Was I dreaming? Could it be that easy? All I had to do was humiliate myself in front of all the neighbors and for only a brief moment. One fleeting, stinging, degrading self-effacing moment and I would be a movie star. So I swallowed my pride and ran outside taking center stage beneath the Magnolia tree and threw my hands up in the air like I just didn't care and yelled for all of God's creatures to hear:
     “I WANNA BE ALMOST AS GOOD A KEANU REEVES!!!!!!!!!!!”.
It was the classiest way I could think of telling him to go fuck himself.